Adventures with Edward: All My Dolls

Setting:  the set of the new soap opera series called "All My Dolls".

"Aaaand ACTION!"

"Bella, I'm sure glad we're finally together.  I like having you as my woman."  Edward puts his arm around Bella.  Well, as much as his plastic elbows allows.

Bella snuggles next to Edward's plastic pea coat. "Yeah.  Me too.  Oh, so I made this for you.  It's to go with your scarf."

Edward takes the hat and puts it on.  Bella was thoughtful enough to account for his spikey stick uppy hair.  So sweet.

Edward slips it on and turns to Bella.  "Whaddya think?  Is it me?"

Bella taps her chin thoughtfully.

Suddenly, the other dolls point their fingers hands and laugh at Edward.

"HAHAHAHA You look like a dork."

Edward rips the hat off his head and mutters "You guys suck."

Edward #2, seeing this as a chance to steal Bella's attention shouts, "I'll wear it!"

However, as soon as Edward #2 puts on the hat, he realizes he does, indeed, look like a dork and takes it off. 

Turning to Edward Noir, he says "hey man, you wanna try it on?"

Edward Noir sniffs in disgust.  "Are you kidding me?  I am way too cool to wear that thing".

Edward #2 looks pointedly down at Edward Noir's brown shoes with his black suit and blue shirt.  "Gee, Ed, I think you should've been a little more choosy when you got dressed.  You don't match at all."

Edward Noir rolls his plastic eyeballs.  "Whatever.  I'm still too cool."

Edward faces Bella and says in his sultry hushed vampirey voice, "I'm sorry Bella.  I was wrong to not wear your hat.  Would that make you happy?"

Bella, ever dramatic, turns away from Edward and says quietly, "I'll have to think about it.  I need to be alone.  And...just so you know, I think your scarf has a hole." 

Edward takes a deep breath and turns to Edward #2 and Edward Noir.  "Guys, I need my hat back.  I'll look like a dork but I'll have Bella.  So.  Give it here."

Edward #2 reluctantly gives back the hat.  He must think of other ways to steal the affections of Bella.

Love.  It's a tricky complicated crocheted thing.

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Adventures with Edward: Edward makes a Christmas wish

Setting: tiny alcove with a Christmas tree

Edward, stands next to his Christmas tree in his new Christmas coat. It's a little roomy.

"Merry Christmas!" I say to Edward.

"Yeah yeah" he says. "I suppose I need to give you a present. Here."

"It's a bauble. I found it in a box with other baubles. In fact, there was one just like it in there."

"Um, thanks, Edward...you shouldn't have..."

"Yeah it was nothing. Oh, and I got you this too-"

"Ooh! Thanks Edward! Let me open it up and see what's inside!"

"Awesome, Edward! It's stitch markers for knitting and they're all Twilight related!"**

"Yep. Sigh." Edward stares at the ground. And not just because it's all his head can do.

"Umm, Edward, I can't help but notice you are lackluster today. What's wrong?" I ask.

"Well, it's just that I know I won't get my Christmas wish," says Edward

"Then I think it's time I give you your gift, Edward," I say.

"Go on! Open it!" I urge.

Edward pulls out a box cutter. It dawns on him what this is intended for. His eyes sparkle.

I pull Bella's box down and begin to cut it open.

"Don't slice her!" Edward warns.


I roll my eyes.


Suddenly, the plasticky smell of cooped up dolls wafts out. I pull back the plastic and draw Bella Doll out. She doesn't stand up so well, so I prop her up next to the wall.

"What about Edward with the sunglasses?" Edward asks Bella.

Bella shrugs. "I was just ready to get out of the box. And besides, Sunglasses Edward can't take off his glasses. I can look at your eyes."

Edward sighs contentedly.

Sometimes, Christmas wishes do come true.

Merry Christmas from Edward to you!

**And a very special thanks to my sweet cousin who sent me the stitch holders! I love them!!

Adventures with Edward: Edward visits Boulder, Colorado

Setting: Boulder, Colorado

Edward hears I am going on a trip to a far off country, full of snow and mountains. He begs to go. He must try to get his mind off of Bella Doll. Plus he has a scarf. So he is ready. I tell him to hop in my bag and get comfortable. He wiggles in next to my knitting and mittens.



We board the plane. He climbs out of my bag and finds his seat. He scoffs at the seat belt. The Sky Mall magazine holds his interest for 13.9 seconds. Then he is bored.



The flights are short. Edward watches Ladyhawke on my iPhone. He thinks the ’80’s music is cheesy, but otherwise enjoys it. Edward also thinks that Matthew Broderick’s English accent is lacking.

Once the plane is landed, Edward enjoys the sites. He conquers some strange metallic beast.



It was hard to eat, but Edward decides this is exotic food.

Edward decides to stop and smell the flowers.



They smell of plastic Bella Doll’s perfume. Or what he imagines Bella Doll’s perfume smells like. He has only really smelled her packaging.

The mountains and pines beckon to Edward. He climbs a tree. It is reminiscent of this movie he saw once with a human Bella. He remembers the scene well.



He wonders if he can ever persuade Bella Doll out of her box. Alas. For now, he just imagines her presence.



Heartsick, Edward wanders to a snowy patch and whips up a snowman. He must be careful. His powerful vampire hands tend to crush, not mold. He shares his scarf.



It has been a good trip. Edward is glad he has visited Boulder.

Adventures with Edward: Edward writes Bella Doll a poem

Setting: Office of the human



Edward, climbs out of the human’s giant purse and says he’s been thinking. I ask him what about. “Bella Doll,” he says, with a faraway look. “I’ve decided to woo her. Tis time I declared my intentions.”

I set Edward up at my desk and let him brainstorm. After a few minutes I check on his progress.



“Hmm,” I say. “It’s ok, but I think you can do better, Edward. Try again. This time, think about what you like about Bella Doll.”



“Ha.Ha.” I say, rolling my eyes.” Edward laughs uproariously. Boys.

I place Edward off to the side of the computer to think about maybe writing a poem. Edward contemplates.



Poor Edward. He can’t scratch his head. Those elbows just won’t bend enough.

Edward types away at the computer. He tsks. Crosses things out. Thinks more. Types again. This is what he comes up with:



Edward looks to me for approval. “Well?” he asks.

“Umm…Gee, Edward, I’m just so blinded by the love oozing from your words…give me a second to think…”

Edward taps his foot impatiently. It’s the only thing on his body that moves with ease. I pick out the drum line for “Whip It” in his foot taps.

“Edward, I think we should just try to find you some sunglasses.”

Edward sighs deeply and crawls back in my bag. Poor Edward.

Adventures with Edward: Edward meets Bella

Setting: Carpeted wilderness with just a smidge of civilization



Edward, standing alone attempts to run his fingers through his unruly hair.





He can’t…quite…reach…beennnnddd elllboowwwww….

When suddenly-

He sees a strange sight-





It is…himself. Edward stands, head cocked to the side, looking at this carbon copy.





“Hmpf,” he says. He turns away from the imposter and that’s when he sees her. Bella.

“Bella”, he says, experimentally using her name. “Bellaaaa.” It is like the blood of a gazelle on his tongue.

He comes closer to have a better look. He realizes, this is it, this is the adventure he’s been hunting for.

He beckons to her to come out.





Bella, staring straight ahead says something about “integrity of the packaging” and doesn’t move.

“Besides,” she says. “This Edward has something you’ll never have.”

“What’s that?” Edward asks.

“Sunglasses.”

Edward takes a closer look at the other Edward.





“Dang.”

Edward, one last time looking at the pair of them realizes that they are almost holding hands.





Clearly, Edward cannot compete with the other Edward for the plastic heart of Bella.

Resolutely, Edward turns away and continues attempting to run his hands through his hair.




Almost…there…