Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Adventures with Edward: Edward goes to the movies

Setting: Outside the movie theater

Edward is chillin and relaxin on the fountain outside of the movie theater. He’s all set to see New Moon. If nothing other than to make fun of Jacob. And drool for Bella. She looks just like this doll he knows.

He’s got on his TEAM EDWARD shirt, to show his support. The puff paint looks very manly.

Suddenly, he looks over and sees…himself.

“Hi!” the copy of himself says. It’s eerie. Except for the scarf and Tshirt, this guy looks JUST LIKE HIM.

“Hi!” says Edward. They stare at each other for a moment. It’s like a Twilight Zone moment. They have the same Pea Coat, the same tight fitting jeans. They even have the same spiky hair.

“We must be brothers. Separated at birth. I’m Edward,” says the Edward copy.

“Dude. My name is Edward too. I’m going to see New Moon. Wanna see it with me?”

“Sure, dude.”

They stare at each other for another moment, then go for a man, er- doll hug. It’s awkward and plasticky and their arms don’t bend, but whatever. Bros for life.

Inside in the theater, they share a seat and watch the movie. Jacob definitely has the abs. But Edward has the Bella.

Too bad the concession stand doesn’t sell any mountain lion or gazelles.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Adventures with Edward: Edward and the infomercial

Setting: The Barbie Mansion

One day, Edward is kickin it in the Barbie Mansion.

He’s watching his favorite show:

LOST. Best show EVER. He settles in and watches a re-run. He’s very confused.

A commercial comes on. Edward is instantly captivated.

“The Micro-Snuggie*!” he shouts. “Please can I get one? Please? Pleeeeeeaaaaasssseeee?”

And because I’m a sucker for cute vampire dolls, I say yes.

Edward orders a Snuggie to match his scarf.

Three weeks later, it arrives.

Edward tries it on.

“Well, whaddya think?” Edward says, standing ever so proudly in his new Snuggie.

“Erm, very…manly,” I say.

Edward goes back to watching LOST re-runs. He feels like he’s in the Snuggie infomercial. Too bad there’s no Barbie remote.

Durned if I’m not jealous of Edward’s Snuggie.

* This is not actually a Snuggie. Please do not contact Snuggie asking for a Snuggie, else I shall be sued
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