Friday, April 9, 2010

Adventures with Edward: Edward Sunglasses in a sticky situation

Setting:  Kitchen of the human

"Anyone seen my shield?  I'm late for the Renaissance Festival!", Edward Sunglasses shouts.

"You're such a dork, Edward Sunglasses.  Nobody uses shields anymore," says Edward.

"Well, it came in your box!  What else are you gonna use it for?" Edward Sunglasses shrugs.

Grinning mischievously, Edward slides over a suspicious dish.

Edward Sunglasses stares. "What in the blue blazes is shield??"

Edward laughs uproariously.

"IT'S JELLO!  YOU KNOW...JELLO?  HAHAAHAHA JELLO!"  Edward guffaws.  "Oh man, I got you!  I sooo got you!"

 "You big dummy.  Now I gotta fish that shield gross."  Edward Sunglasses tentatively digs in. 

Unfortunately, Edward Sunglasses doesn't bend so well.

"This is so much worse than that time I only had ground turkey from the tube to eat."

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Adventures with Edward: All My Dolls

Setting:  the set of the new soap opera series called "All My Dolls".

"Aaaand ACTION!"

"Bella, I'm sure glad we're finally together.  I like having you as my woman."  Edward puts his arm around Bella.  Well, as much as his plastic elbows allows.

Bella snuggles next to Edward's plastic pea coat. "Yeah.  Me too.  Oh, so I made this for you.  It's to go with your scarf."

Edward takes the hat and puts it on.  Bella was thoughtful enough to account for his spikey stick uppy hair.  So sweet.

Edward slips it on and turns to Bella.  "Whaddya think?  Is it me?"

Bella taps her chin thoughtfully.

Suddenly, the other dolls point their fingers hands and laugh at Edward.

"HAHAHAHA You look like a dork."

Edward rips the hat off his head and mutters "You guys suck."

Edward #2, seeing this as a chance to steal Bella's attention shouts, "I'll wear it!"

However, as soon as Edward #2 puts on the hat, he realizes he does, indeed, look like a dork and takes it off. 

Turning to Edward Noir, he says "hey man, you wanna try it on?"

Edward Noir sniffs in disgust.  "Are you kidding me?  I am way too cool to wear that thing".

Edward #2 looks pointedly down at Edward Noir's brown shoes with his black suit and blue shirt.  "Gee, Ed, I think you should've been a little more choosy when you got dressed.  You don't match at all."

Edward Noir rolls his plastic eyeballs.  "Whatever.  I'm still too cool."

Edward faces Bella and says in his sultry hushed vampirey voice, "I'm sorry Bella.  I was wrong to not wear your hat.  Would that make you happy?"

Bella, ever dramatic, turns away from Edward and says quietly, "I'll have to think about it.  I need to be alone.  And...just so you know, I think your scarf has a hole." 

Edward takes a deep breath and turns to Edward #2 and Edward Noir.  "Guys, I need my hat back.  I'll look like a dork but I'll have Bella.  So.  Give it here."

Edward #2 reluctantly gives back the hat.  He must think of other ways to steal the affections of Bella.

Love.  It's a tricky complicated crocheted thing.

Now to our sponsor, Sweethearts, for when you want to say BITE ME and have it be a nice thing.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Adventures with Edward: Edward gets arrested

Setting: Texas.

"It all started out so innocently," Edward says. "I was just doing a little sightseeing. I even got a Tshirt that said THE LONESTAR STATE in honor of my trip. Here's what happened...

First stop, the Alamo.

It was kind of boring, so I headed over to the Riverwalk.

Well, THAT was kind of boring so I got ... distracted. And maybe carried away.

First I found me a car.

And that was cool and all, riding around town. And then I came across the President. Or maybe it was a look alike?

Anyways, we posed. He liked my Texas Tshirt and I liked his red tie. We partied down, told jokes, I pushed his bobble head around. Good times.

Then I thought, you know what would be REALLY fun? To drive a REAL car. So I found me a nice car with a sweet sound system and just when I was blasting some Journey...

... that's when the po-po found me. And by "po-po" I mean big hairy uniformed guys in a big hairy car with flashing lights.

They didn't think my little joy ride was all that cute, even when I started throwing down some gangsta rap, so...

...I had to put my hands behind my back. It was just like one of those COPS shows. Only, I'm a plastic doll, and my arms only bend so much. So those policemen had themselves a little mini-conference to discuss how to transport me. This is what they decided:

And there I was, handcuffed and strapped into the car.

I wondered if Bella Doll would think I was a trouble maker, would she post bail? Would Edward Sunglasses make a second appearance? How would Bella Doll even know I'm in jail? What happened to my scarf? HOLY COW I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE.

And that's when I woke up.

PSYCH. You think I actually got arrested? Psh.

But I had you going there, didn't I?"

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