Thursday, August 6, 2009

Adventures with Edward: Edward visits the happiest place on earth

Setting: hot summer day in Orlando, Florida

Edward, still mending from his recent rejection of Bella, who chose the other Edward with the sunglasses, decides to blow this popsicle stand and see the world.

His first stop: Epcot

Edward, standing next to the golf ball thingy realizes while he may be a powerful plastic vampire, he is still very tiny.

Edward roams the park, looking for adventure. Unfortunately, the few rides there are have height restrictions. He can’t eat anything, so sampling the international cuisine is out. His pea coat has no pockets to hold money. Epcot, for plastic vampire dolls, is kind of boring.

For fun, Edward stands by a sparkly Nemo character, just to see if anyone notices him. Edward is jealous of the sparkles.

This becomes dull, so Edward visits a playground. Once again, his height is an issue. Powerful vampire dolls cannot do much on a playground.

Edward spots a rock wall and decides to push it over. No reason, there’s just not much else to do.

Rock wall conquered, Edward decides to see the beach. This is a mistake, as beaches are no place for tiny dolls.

Thankfully, the rushing waves do not drown his plastic lungs, as he cannot breathe anyway.

Edward sighs, and finds a spot to sit, er- stand and ponder.

Edward, seeing the irony, paces and finally throws up his hands in a gesture of impatience.

Suddenly, a Giant Mouse grabs him and hugs him. Edward does not want to fight this behemoth monster so he just holds very still and pretends to be a plastic doll.

The Mouse Monster gently sets Edward down on the sidewalk and ambles away, waving his Hamburger Helper gloves.

Edward catches his breath and realizes he came very close to an early demise.

Adventure quota filled for the day, Edward bids Epcot adieu.

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