Adventures with Edward: Edward takes up a hobby

Setting: living room of the human



One night, Edward wanders over to a stash of yarn. Standing amidst all the yarn, Edward decides he needs a hobby.



Looking around, Edward grabs the first needles he can find and some yarn. He chooses a very manly color.



Poor Edward. Those needles are much too big for him. Unless he wants to do the javelin.

Hunting around, Edward finds something more his size.



Ever so carefully, Edward begins his project. He weilds his toothpick knitting needles like a champ, whipping that embroidery floss into submission.



Quicker than you can say “Vampire Dolls Make Knitting Cool”, Edward finishes his creation. He models his scarf and wonders if Bella Doll will look at him with new plastic eyes.



Either way, he feels stylin.

Adventures with Edward: Edward goes to work with his human

Setting: office desk of the human who carries Edward around in her purse

Edward, bored of the home of his human (aka me), decides to find adventure by tagging along at work.

His first job, to hand me paperclips.





Then, Edward hands me my highlighter. He is feeling very good about himself.




Then like the easily distracted vampire doll that he is, Edward goes a little crazy. He spins himself in my office supply carousel thingy.




Quicker than I can say “Vampire Gone Wild”, Edward wraps himself in tape.





I untangle Edward from the sticky tape. Edward promises to be good.

I send Edward to the copy room to make some copies for me. However, this proves to be a mistake.





I find Edward making mischief. Edward tells me this is the closest he could come of photocopying his hiney. Whatever, I say. He laughs at his handiwork.




I carry Edward Doll back to my desk and tell him he needs to have S.Q.U.I.R.T. Edward looks at me questioningly. It’s ’Silent Quiet Uninterrupted Individual Reading Time’, I explain. I load up Midnight Sun on my iPhone and set Edward down to read.





This lasts five minutes. Then he finds my SIGN HERE tabs.

Adventures with Edward: Edward watches his favorite show

Setting: the computer, where the latest episode of “Men Dolls” is airing



Edward, standing in front of the computer, stares avidly at his favorite show, Men Dolls.





Edward thinks it’s a crying shame that TNT hasn’t picked up this show yet. For now, he will just have to make do with weekly episodes on the innernets.

Edward thinks that Edward Cullen is one handsome doll. Plautonically.

Edward reads the dialogue and laughs uproariously.




Edward wonders what will happen on next week’s episode.

He also thinks that Michael Vartan Doll has a huge forehead.

Adventures with Edward: Edward visits the happiest place on earth

Setting: hot summer day in Orlando, Florida



Edward, still mending from his recent rejection of Bella, who chose the other Edward with the sunglasses, decides to blow this popsicle stand and see the world.

His first stop: Epcot





Edward, standing next to the golf ball thingy realizes while he may be a powerful plastic vampire, he is still very tiny.

Edward roams the park, looking for adventure. Unfortunately, the few rides there are have height restrictions. He can’t eat anything, so sampling the international cuisine is out. His pea coat has no pockets to hold money. Epcot, for plastic vampire dolls, is kind of boring.

For fun, Edward stands by a sparkly Nemo character, just to see if anyone notices him. Edward is jealous of the sparkles.





This becomes dull, so Edward visits a playground. Once again, his height is an issue. Powerful vampire dolls cannot do much on a playground.





Edward spots a rock wall and decides to push it over. No reason, there’s just not much else to do.




Rock wall conquered, Edward decides to see the beach. This is a mistake, as beaches are no place for tiny dolls.





Thankfully, the rushing waves do not drown his plastic lungs, as he cannot breathe anyway.

Edward sighs, and finds a spot to sit, er- stand and ponder.





Edward, seeing the irony, paces and finally throws up his hands in a gesture of impatience.




Suddenly, a Giant Mouse grabs him and hugs him. Edward does not want to fight this behemoth monster so he just holds very still and pretends to be a plastic doll.





The Mouse Monster gently sets Edward down on the sidewalk and ambles away, waving his Hamburger Helper gloves.





Edward catches his breath and realizes he came very close to an early demise.

Adventure quota filled for the day, Edward bids Epcot adieu.